Lost Love
by JadeTheNinja
Summary: "To know sorrow is not terrifying. What is terrifying is to know you can't go back to the happiness you could have." ((GinRan))


Yellow minna! I'm back with another GinRan fanfic because OTP and I just love writing about them. It's based after Gins death ;A; so please R and R it will be much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I dot own bleach, if I did Gin wouldn't be dead ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rangiku Matsumoto quote: "To know sorrow is not terrifying. What is terrifying is to know you can't go back to the happiness you could have."

"Ran-Chan~…." The hiss of the serpent echoed around the empty room, lingering in the silence.

…

Mascara coated lashes fluttered as eye lids flew open. Light marble grey irises adjusted to allow the right amount of light to filter through her pupil, allowing her eyes to focus on the plain ceiling.

"Gin…" The breathless word escaped full lips after a couple seconds silence, eyes closed momentarily; squinting, as her slim face contorted, pain crossing her features. It was as though someone had stabbed her in the chest.

Slowly, the vice pushed herself up into a half upright position, long legs still sprawled across the surface of the couch. Elbow locked in place, the vice leant her weight on her arm, the other hand raised to massage her temple where a light throbbing resonated from, a soft groan passing her lips.

How long had it been now, a day? A week? A month? She didn't know, what was the point in keeping track when her reason to start counting the days was now gone… Days weren't the same, why should she count them?

Sliding long legs over the edge of the couch, moving into a sitting position, slim fingers wrapped around the neck of a half empty Saké bottle that lay resting beside her, lazily raising it to full lips where she tipped the bottle up, allowing the bitter liquid to enter her mouth as she took a few large gulps.

The memory's were painful, even the good ones. They tugged at her heart, causing a numb ache there. She didn't want to remember, the memory's were cruel, a reminder that the memory's they had to come in the future would no longer happen. She didn't know what would happen in the future, but she had dreams, dreams that could no longer become reality because of one painful fact.

The man who had saved her, grew up with her, and who she loved, was dead.

Everyone else was moving forward, striving to make themselves stronger, she was too, she wanted to become stronger, she wanted to stand beside her captain.

But she also didn't want to move forward, each day that passed, was another step further away from the place she wanted to be, the memories. Although painful, she didn't want them to fade, she didn't want to forget completely.

The vice In took more Saké, her dazed intoxicated state returning. How she loved Saké. It numbed her and made her feel relaxed and happy, at least for a little while, a chance to forget temporarily events that had transpired.

She kept up a façade, she didn't want everyone to know how she was truly feeling, she didn't want to worry anyone, everyone was having their hardships right now, she new she wasn't the only one, but sometimes she found it hard, so hard to keep it up, it was nice to relax and just be herself with a bottle of Saké, with no care in the world to if anyone seen her.

"Saké's bad fer' ya', Ran-chan, yer' gonna end up lookin' like Shunsui if yer' carry on~" The Silverette who was causing her all this pains voice echoed in her head, a distant memory of when he had teased her for drinking so much. There it was again, the sharp pain in her chest.

Pottery shattered, shards skidding across the office floor as the bottle slipped from slim digits, the remnants of the alcoholic beverage spilling over the floor. Light grey hues were wide, her hands shook.

She couldn't escape, no matter what she did, he was haunting her.

Knees slowly raised to her chest, a shaking hand raised to cover her mouth to try and conceal the sob that escaped her. It was hard to accept and hard to hide.

"G-Gin w-why? You l-left me again.." Speech was murmured in a soft and quiet tone, mixed in with sobs and the salty tears that had begun to drip down the beauty's cheeks.

"Matsumoto!—" The shout of the young Taichou reached the vices ears, along with the sound of the rice paper door being slammed open, his teal eyes wide in alert after hearing the smash, still edgy after the war.

Teal hues flickered around the room, searching for any intruder until they finally landed on the fukutaichous shaken form, eyes straying to the smashed bottle on the floor, that obviously being the sound he had heard. His nose scrunched up slightly at the stench of Saké that lingered in the room, but his main concern was his fukutaichou.

"M-Matsumoto..?" He repeated, if slightly hesitantly, closing the door behind him, slow steps enforced towards the strawberry blonde. He had never seen her like this, he didn't know what he Supposed to do In a situation like this. But he wanted to help his vice, he couldn't just leave her like this.

Light grey hues flickered at the sound of her name, too lost in her memory's and grief to even fully pay attention to his entrance, eyes grew slightly wider, hands moved to quickly allow fingertips to rub away her tears, a smile quickly plastered onto her face.

"Oh, hello, Taichou~.." She greeted in her usual tuneful voice, she didn't want the 'boy' to concern himself with her, he already had enough to deal with, she didn't want anyone to see her like this. Her façade wouldn't trick him now though, he'd already seen all he needed. Stopping at the edge of the couch, he expression softened, if only in the slightest, he finally spoke, something he felt he should've said before after seeing her like this.

"Matsumoto… I am always here if you need someone to talk to…" the White haired Taichou spoke in a serious voice. The strawberry blonde nodded lightly, a slight falter in her smile.

"I know, arigatou~" she replied, head turning to look the other way as lips quivered. Why did she drink? She didn't have her control like she normally did.

The young Taichou sighed lightly, simply moving to sit at the opposite end of the couch to her, sitting in silence for a couple minutes as the young prodigy tried to form the right words to say.

"Matsumoto, you don't have to suffer alone.. It's not healthy to hold everything In.." The young prodigy spoke, arms loosely crossing as he simply stared across the room, stealing a side wards glance at the normally flamboyant woman who still had her back turned to him. Taken the silence that followed his words as encouragement, the whit haired 'boy' continued.

"This isn't what Ichimaru would've wanted either, is it?" He spoke carefully, watching her out the corner of his eye to see if he'd pushed it too far.

Rangikus slim frame shook lightly as small salty tears trickled down her face in a never ending stream, sniffling lightly.

"Y-you're right, but.. I miss him.." Soft spoken words escaped her in a light stutter, still keeping her back to the young prodigy as eyes squeezed as though to block out reality. Toshiro glanced at her once more, eyebrows furrowed slightly. He didn't realise this is how she'd been feeling this entire time. He was Supposed to be a prodigy, of course she would! She'd lost someone important to her, but she of course wouldn't tell him that, she didn't want to worry or burden him. A small sigh passed his lips.

"Of course you do, Matsumoto. He was important to you, it's natural for you to feel that way, you can share that sorrow with others you know..." The young prodigy spoke quietly, hands folded neatly on his lap.

"I won't burden others…" She started softly, a hand placed over her heart as she paused, eyebrows furrowing. "But it hurts… It hurts so much.." She murmured, the hand balling into a fist over her heart, a few stray tears dripped down her cheek.

At her confession, softened teal eyes settled on his vice, although he hated Ichimaru, he meant a lot to his fukutaichou.. The damn bastard doing this to her.

"Gomenasai, Matsumoto. I haven't been here for you, I'm sorry you've suffered alone.." He murmured lightly.

"T-Taichou don't be silly!~ you've got a lot going on, so does everyone, I'm not the only one with a loss" she spoke, slim hands raised to wipe tears from her cheeks before she turned to face him. "I'm fine, Taichou, honestly, I just need time to mourn.." She replied with a small sad smile. Toshiro glanced back at the woman, looking for any indication that she was lying before finally a small nod was enforced.

"Alright, Matsumoto. But if you need anything or want to talk…" He trailed off as the vice chuckled lightly. "W-What is it?" He asked, taken slightly off guard.

"That's supposed to be my line to you, ne, you've grown so much from when I first met you~" she smiled softly. "Arigatou" she thanked lightly. Toshiro simply blinked, slightly chapped lips quirked up the slightest at the edges as he rose from his seat, careful to mind the broken shards.

"You're welcome.. You can have the rest of the day off, but tomorrow I expect the paperwork done." He replied, turning on his heal, captains haori billowing out behind him as he headed back towards the door.

"Hai, Taichou~" the vice chirped lightly behind him, watching as his small form exited the room before releasing a breath, moving to lay on her side on the office couch.

"Yer' not alone, Ran-chan~" the ring of the Silverettes voice echoed in her mind, her imagination gracing her, or haunting her. For once, the words were welcome, they ran true.

She'd lost her love, but she wasn't alone. She had plenty of people all around her who cared for her. She didn't have to worry about being lonely. Slim digits lightly took ahold of the ring supported on her necklace.

"I'll always love you, Gin.."

"To know sorry is not terrifying. What is terrifying is to know you can't go back to the happiness you could have."


End file.
